Re-thinking Resolutions
Did you know, for example, that as Americans we are so obsessed with our self-improvement that there is an actual government website listing the most chosen resolutions? Really. We are still a Puritan bunch when it comes down to it. Of course, we don’t keep said resolutions, but that is another story.
Yet as I was trying to be cheeky and clever, something happened. I found I couldn’t joke around about what other bloggers were saying between the lines. With maybe one exception, everyone was writing about what they didn’t want to do anymore. With a poignancy that jumped off the page, people were tired, and fed-up with so much Doing. In fact, the overarching theme was the wonderfulness of doing nothing and having that be the best resolution of all.
Writers wondered why the holidays—relentlessly billed as peaceful and joyful—had become freighted with stress, despite all our best efforts.
Now, this subject is hardly new. We love to rant about consumerism for example. And it could also be our age. If the bloggers I love to read are close to my age, we are all in the zeitgeist.
I’ll be the first to admit it: I love this time of year. Even though I celebrate the solstice more than the religious significance of the holiday, I love my Christmas tree, garlands on the porch, a fireplace, and good food shared with friends and family. That said, I’ll never go back to some old ways that have caused me harm. Let me explain.
About a year ago, a close friend and professional therapist wrote a piece called “Take the Fall.” My friend, Nan Narboe,—who gives away tips on her blog from thirty plus years of working with clients gave me a gift with this idea. I guess I must have been ready to hear it.
Nan’s words say it best: “Not that I’ve ever been in a boxing ring, but I like the term. Say that you are overmatched; the opposition is bigger and stronger than you—take the fall. Or the game is rigged and you’re slated to lose. Take the fall.” After applying this to my own life, I realized this was something I could do anytime I had to work so hard at coping with something, that the energy it took to deal with the situation came at an unacceptable cost to my health.
With this new perspective came the realization: I can just lay down the struggle. I don’t need to explain myself, work to fix things that are unfixable, or spend huge amounts of energy if there is abuse or lack of boundaries. No. I can willingly lose the match (to continue with the sports analogy for the moment.) I can dial down the fight or flight mechanism; dial down the stress.
I could take the fall. And come away whole.
So maybe the question vis-à-vis Christmas, resolutions, or any stressor is “have I taken on more than is good for me?” (Believe me, I do understand that we don’t always have a choice.)